hallelujah ..

hello everyone !

i'm really excited i have a blog now. i've been wanting to start one for a while now, and tonight i was homework free and decided to take advantage of it ..

recently, i found God. and i don't mean like i got saved or something; i mean i found God. and here's my story ..

last semester i experienced a pretty substantial "desert" time in my life. i would pray some and try to get into the Word, but it was just.. dry. over thanksgiving break, i broke down. i finally realized how far i had wondered from God. and during the month of december, i slowly but surely began to open myself back up to God. at the first of the year, i began to feel like i was "back to normal" ..

on january 12th, i began a 21 day Daniel fast (no meats, no sweets, no dairy - essentially, a vegan diet). i heard a sermon at church on fasting and really felt like in my heart that God was challenging me to try it. i had been dealing with a lack of discipline and a weak heart lately, and figured fasting would be a huge help in getting over that. i began to read my bible more, pray more, and just be more focused on God himself and His purpose. however, little did i know, God still had so so much more to reveal to me.

this past weekend, i attended a "Girls Night" at church. national recording artist, beckah shae, was there. oh wow, she is aaaamazing. she is so real. she didn't hold back - she just worshiped God with her whole being. so freeee. she told her story of struggling with insecurity and not knowing who she was, and she would sporadically giggle all throughout her talk. she was so full of the Spirit that she couldn't help but laugh for joy. ahhh it was one of the most beautiful things to witness. while we were there, we wrote on these paper hearts all the lies Satan had told us. my card looked something like this :

"you suck. you'll never be anything - not an athlete, not an artist, not a musician. you're weak. you're lonely. God won't change your friends or family. that'll never happen, so don't even try. you're ugly. you're so alone. you're weird. you're not meant to know God like some of your other friends.." i could go on and on.

after an amazing time of worship where we all fell on our faces before the Lord, we nailed those cards to a wooden cross in front of the stage. it was so so powerful. ahh i can't even describe how truly present God was that night. at the end, we all got a chance to talk to Beckah. i walked up to her and she says, "are you an artist? do you draw and paint?" i melted right there. this woman did not know me. she prayed over me, but i barely remember what she said. i was just so overwhelmed. God spoke right through her. He told me who i was. i am an artist, created by the greatest artist of all.

hallelujah. the Holy Spirit has been so strong inside of me for the past few days because of that night. at church sunday night, i started busting out laughing in the middle of worship - just like Beckah had the night before. at school on monday, i was just so happy. for no reason except that i could feel God. nothing particularly good happened, but it didn't matter - i have the King of the Universe with me. circumstances no longer control me.

the Spirit is such an amazing gift that God has given us. if we can just be open to God, He'll come. oh yea, He'll come.

praise God.

"God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

- romans 5:5